Monday, June 13, 2005

as memory serves

I remember when we had a milkman.... a man whose job was to deliver milk to our house as often as we needed and the same with the iceman, ....yes ice... because we had an ice box not a refrigerator... we did eventually get a refrigerator ( I still call it an icebox)...... my favorite toys were yo-yos and marbles and I was very good at both...... I remember winning the Duncan yo-yo contest when I was eight years old....got me an embroidered patch for winning too.... those were the days....

Sunday, June 12, 2005

booked

1. Number of books I own.... Hundreds, I inherited my parents library
2. Last book I bought.... I find it's better to lease than to buy
3. Last book I read...."Ozark Memories"
4. Top five books
"All Quiet on the Western Front"
"Lonesome Dove"
"The encyclopedia of American literacy"
"Pilgrams Progress"
"Evil under the sun"

Sunday, June 05, 2005

easier said than done

i wish i had the gift of gab.... my wife, her siblings, and my daughter and son are of this persuasion..... my wife can and does carry on interesting conversations for eons, with anyone, anytime, about anything, or nothing..... it's a gift from God that i wish i had......

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Improbable Musings

MUSIC: Song Title & Artist
1. I can't dance because my sister didn't teach me (Sawhorse)
2. Hard to be a softee (Ragedoll)
3. I-Pod vacancy (Sumppump)
4. Fifteen minutes of fame (Looking for Heros)
5. Quit prying and start probing (Paltry coins)

BOOK: Title & Author
1. Chicken soup for the ego (The Cast of "Oceans Eleven")

NEW DOG BREEDS:
1. Scottish Wolfpoodle
2. Yemeny Sand Collie
3. Irish Bog Hound
4. Australian Hairless Dingo
5. German Wire-haired Bull Spaniel

Sunday, May 22, 2005

To each his own

The hot weather arrived with a vengence in California.... now it's time for those who shop at 7-11 on a regular basis to migrate outside.... I refer to them as "yard drones".... you've seen them I'm sure.... they're those who drag interior furniture (sofa, dinette set, lazy boy recliner etc.) ....out of the house and place them in the yard next to the old washing machine they're going to fix someday..... I thank God for the parents He gave me and all the rules they insisted I obey...

Thursday, May 12, 2005

words worth

Since blogging is becoming the linguistic weapon of choice I wanted to get in early on the new terminology....Here's my nominations....
1. Kroansing: Blogging and playing the accordian at the same time.
2. Scateens: A mild case of Quincy's syndrome brought on by bloggers block.
3. Yelltyunhtkas: The South Ocrankistanian term for blog.
4. Abitterphil: A guy named Phillip whose blogging is hard to swallow (sorry...)
5. Chigging: Using someone elses blog name to apply for a 7-11 credit card.
6. Fraxmalling: Using your blog as a soap box to blugeon your fellow bloggers into seeing your inane point of view.
7. Priggsmire: A post that takes more than ninety seconds to read....

Friday, May 06, 2005

riskee bizness

I live life on the edge...... here's a few of the awesome things I've done.... 1. Went shopping at a flea market without wearing gloves.... 2. Jumped off the diving board with both eyes open... 3. Drove in the middle lane of the freeway with one hand on the steering wheel.... 4. Drank a medium decaf coffee wihout half and half.... 5. Tasted Tabasco sauce once..... 6. Painted my house beige..... 7. Bought the radical CD, "Yanni Down and Dirty," recorded live at the Heidleburg Monestary..... 8. Told a baseball umpire that he may have been wrong....

Monday, May 02, 2005

antenna free

Since getting a satellite dish a whole new world has opened up...... i especially like the the gardening/landscaping shows but..... enough already with the home improvement shows like.... fixing up your filthy pig sty while you're away,...... decorating your neighbor's gawdy ornate God awful home while they do it to yours,..... waste sixty minutes of precious time showing some frumpy dressed soul what not to wear....... but my favorite thing to do is guessing how many side effects and disclaimers there are on the latest prescription drugs.....

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Idle Talk

As i was getting my monthly bikini wax, i noticed that the attendant had a northeastern Albanian accent...so i asked her if they still have the Kljjivwrian Festival every spring...she said not since the Kossacks stopped eating their mules.....

Monday, April 25, 2005

Veggie Tale

If celery tasted like chocolate covered cherries and unsalted squash like mashed potatoes and gravy, i would be a vegetarian and only eat meat during the p.m. hours,,,, then i could be like that tan, well-oiled, lean, muscular guy you see in the middle of the shopping mall in a constant full body flex, standing in a strain and trying to look as if he wanted to go unnoticed.........

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Starches and Their Curses

in california we have a problem and it's having to drive amongst other souls who do not have a driving strategy....... now,.... i have no agenda, no axe to grind, no ulterior motive and care not about being politically correct , so don't start whining if you're one of the hideous drivers meandering around the golden state with a blank look on your face.... i personally think the problem stems from the diet... i've noticed those who abhor the potato are the worst drivers.... if they were raised eating rice, be it pork fried...curried...or spanish... they drive badly... that doesn't make them bad people, just bad drivers.... there is no such thing as the fast lane anymore, it's just another place to go... you don't even have to have a reason for going there... after all, it's an open space and no one else is driving slowly in it right now...and they prefer to travel in herds, not wanting to pass, lest they lose face or offend one of those driving along side them at the same mediocre speed...

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Mince Meat

it was a beautiful spring day and i decided to eat dinner on the patio... i figured my eyebrows and the hair on my arms needed a good searing so i went ahead and lit the propane powered grill.... the initial blast withered the frons on my neighbors' palm trees.....i decided to grill chicken... the trouble with chicken is it needs to be cooked thoroughly or it's salmanella serenade for the next four days... after twenty minutes of intense flaming, i removed the charred fowl from the inferno... i noticed the crispy black epidermis was making a rustling sound as i tonged it from the smoldering coals to the platter...it seemed to jerk when i stuck a fork in it... it looked as if someone slashed their wrists in my plate... i think it was a TAD too rare..... why do i look for difficult tasks to perform?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Nothing Personal

You're probably stupid.....ninety seven percent of the population is, and that surely includes you.....you think Greenland is green and Mongolia is a disease.... Chile is food and the new tattoo of Peter Lorre on your stomach will attract beautiful girls....see, you are stupid....but it is possible to be happy and stupid and maybe that's better than being unhappy and wise, hmmmm....so just continue on and do the best you can in that out-of-focus world you stumble through....

Saturday, April 09, 2005

if the shirt fits

I believe eighty three percent of people are quite crazy in one form or another, you think a guy is "normal".... then you see him do or say something odd and realize this imbecile acually believes in aliens, reincarnation or some other idotic waste of time....